i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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