don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
