i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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