I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
