after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
