why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
