Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
