I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
