Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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