i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
