So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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