Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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