I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
COCAINE IS GR8
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
