Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
