I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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