Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Apparently you make a good broom.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
