We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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