It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
