how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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