and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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