just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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