mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
