theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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