Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
