Don't you send me to vm
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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