____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
