My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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