my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
