I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
