You made me cry and you don't even care
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
