Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
