I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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