That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
