haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
