I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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