Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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