Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
