I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
ugly people sure do ruin things
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
