I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
