we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
