her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
