there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
