You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Let's get the cat blown out
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
