Soap is not a condiment
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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