i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
