my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
