Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
