I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Dear god my vagina.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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