He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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