so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
